Before yesterday I had neglected the blog for quite a while, which meant a wealth of interesting spam comments awaited moderation when I signed in to upload a picture for Silent Sunday. I thought I would respond to a selection, thus:
Fractional laser therapy asks, ‘would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My blog covers a lot of the same subjects as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other.’
First of all, thanks for stopping by. I am always up for people contributing guest posts to 12 Books in 12 Months (although I can’t afford to pay you in money), and I love the sound of my own voice so writing posts for other blogs sounds top. Having said that, I was surprised to hear you think we write about the same subjects – I had to google fractional laser therapy to find out what it was (a form of cosmetic surgery that involves zapping wrinkles and acne and suchlike to smooth the defining features of a human face into those of an expressionless auton). On balance I think we both know the best place to put a laser is on the head of an ill tempered mutated sea bass, and until you’re willing to admit that I don’t think we have anything to contribute to one another’s sites.
Next up, seo put in a request. ‘Please upload new videos related to cooking if you have, since I desire to learn more and more regarding all recipes of cooking.’
I don’t know if you noticed the title of the blog, seo, but have another look and feel free to interpret it pretty literally. I do quite like cooking, but not enough to make videos about it – and I certainly don’t know all the recipes. However, I wouldn’t want you to leave empty handed, so here’s a video on how to make a breakfast calzone by a guy called Matt Lees.
Hollister promo codes comments on my Novel in A Weekend post, ‘This is also particularly important if you are not tall.’
Thanks, HPC. When you’re right, you’re right.
The Woodland Hill Movers, who I like to think of as a kind of Sugarhill Gang for the modern day, left a message saying ‘excellent goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely wonderful.’
Aw, shucks. You guys can stay.
Then someone called Marilyn reached out with the following: ‘Hello there, just turned into aware of your weblog via Google, and located that it is truly informative. I am gonna be careful for brussels.’
I feel like this is some kind of secret code, but I’ve yet to crack it. ‘I am gonna be careful for brussels’ probably means ‘I have been kidnapped by the mafia, you have to get me out of here NOW. It’s going to be dangerous and full of peril, but stop crying for a second and focus, my life depends on it. Just think to yourself what would Liam Neeson do (in the film Taken as opposed to The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe) and act accordingly.’
It might not be exactly that, but hang on in there Marilyn, I’ll work it out eventually. Although in the interests of full disclosure you should probably know I am more Harriet the Spy than Bond.
Next up, Masterwanker said in the manner of an angry YouTube commenter, ‘I used to be able to find good advice from your blog articles.’
Not anymore though eh. It’s all photographs of buttons up trees, and filler posts about spam comments. I’ve basically lost it. Still, what can you do. I had a good run.
We finish on this lovely story from Hgc bellvue. ‘Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back!
LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to tell someone!’
I am eternally grateful you chose me. Good luck selling your diet products.
March 4, 2013 at 1:22 pm
This is hilarious! I particularly loved the beach anecdote- completely off topic but written concisely and very entertaining. And definitely a gem worth keeping as a creative prompt one day!
Thanks for the awesome start to my week!
March 4, 2013 at 7:04 pm
I aim to please 🙂 (Unless you’re ‘Masterwanker’, obviously…)
March 4, 2013 at 9:55 pm
I too am gonna be careful for brussels from now on. I find if you eat too many of them you fart like a trumpet, but maybe the expulsion of air will have the same effect as fractional laser therapy, which I also hear is one of your interests. I am disappointed that you have not responded to my request for penis enlargement, but we can all live in hope
March 4, 2013 at 10:23 pm
That sounds totally scientifically possible – patent the process at once! Maybe I will do a follow up post about the dirtier comments at a later date… although that’s probably asking for trouble.
March 5, 2013 at 5:34 am
Ha ha ha! Love it! Great post, as always, Ali 🙂
March 6, 2013 at 8:27 am
Why thank you!
March 5, 2013 at 4:32 pm
I thoroughly enjoyed this post. I’m sure they enjoyed your thoughtful responses 😉 Although I have been on my blog quite a bit the last week it too, sadly, has been bombarded with spam that I have to go through and moderate.
March 6, 2013 at 8:29 am
Thanks for stopping by! Maybe you should do a spam response post too – I’m curious whether everyone gets the same, or if they’re all slightly different given the lengths some of them go to in order to look like they could be real!