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12 Books in 12 Months

writing books and blogging about it

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nonsense

The Great Kindle Challenge: Day 12

For those who are new to The Great Kindle Challenge, I thought I would give a quick overview of how it all began before drawing my inevitable conclusions.  Most of this is copied and pasted from Wikipedia, as you can probably tell.

Background

Once Upon A Time there was an eccentric gent who went by the name of Professor Amazon.  Like all unusual academics, he was the owner of an enormous raggle taggle white beard, and his moustache was a champion of the genre.  He wore spectacles, because genius tends to make one’s eyes a little weak, and was generally to be seen sporting the very latest in holey old jeans and slightly less holey jumpers.

Professor Amazon was the older brother of a younger sister, whose was called Praline Amazon because their parents were having an off day when they named her.  Praline had spent most of her life working very hard to show the world that she was more than just a silly name, and she founded an internet business that you may have heard of – it was called Amazon.

One day, Praline called her brother on the telephone and said to him, “Professor Amazon, I want you to invent me a thing.” Continue reading “The Great Kindle Challenge: Day 12”

The Great Kindle Challenge: Day 4

Today I am going to post a few negative words about kindle at the behest of Twitter user @JacToTheFuture, who is trying to find reasons other than immediate financial impracticality why she should stick to paper.  So here you go, ten reasons not to buy a kindle, which you should listen to as I am currently in possession of a borrowed kindle and have read stuff on it and everything.

  1. Continue reading “The Great Kindle Challenge: Day 4”

There Are No Cats In America

Book Seven is begun! So far I think it’s pitched more at the 10 end of the 8-10 spectrum, but we’ll see how it unfolds.

It was a beautiful starry morning, but Chris didn’t know that because when he woke up he was in a house with no skylight, and anyway there was a cat on his head.

“Urmph,” he said.

“Mrau?” the cat replied, carelessly flicking its tail. Evidently it didn’t think there was anything unusual about going to sleep on someone’s head.

Continue reading “There Are No Cats In America”

#WIP: Chapter Three

It’s pretty rare that a human has the courage to face a monster as fearsome as a dragon.  Bearing that in mind, it’s almost unthinkable that a mere sheep might be brave enough to do it.  In actual fact, this was very probably the first time in the history of everything.  So naturally there had to be a meeting.

Continue reading “#WIP: Chapter Three”

April’s Genre…

… is romance.

Originally I had planned to write some kind of beautiful unrequited love story, but then I thought no, that’s altogether too literary – I’m going to get my paranormal romance on and sell 100 000 e-books like Amanda Hocking

I’m still going to include an element of unrequited love, though.  What better narrative reason is there to keep people apart than having one of them a vampire who cannot reveal his or her true feelings because he or she loves the other person too much to compromise their safety?  And what better way of gearing this towards a Twilight loving audience than have the vampire a fifteen or sixteen year old girl, loving a boy she can never have from afar?  That’s an experience everyone has at some point or another.  Well, except for the being a vampire part.

The only suggestion I’ve had for this month was that the girl should be called Jennifer and that she should work in a dog grooming salon.  I think I will change this slightly so that she has a job walking dogs, ostensibly to earn a bit of extra pocket money but in actual fact to help her blend in and feel more human.  This girl has teen angst to the max.

This decided, all I need to do is conduct a little bit of research into the genre.  An initial Google search in my lunch break led me to the Harlequin website (that’s Mills and Boon), and the rather brilliant first chapter of ‘Demon Seduction’ by Pat White.

Stand-out lines of exposition include:

“back then she was just a girl, terrified by Marcus’s demon cousin who’d wanted to slake his need with a human virgin.”

I hate it when that happens.

“Having been created from human ash of the Great Fire of Rome, Ash could assume human form better than any other creature of the dark realm.”

As documented by Pliny and Tacitus, no less.  This author is quite the classicist!  Well, that or she read the Wikipedia entry, like I did.

“His mission was to fill her with his demon seed against her will, the very act he’d defended her from when she was but sixteen.”

Is this a good time to mention that whilst I love romance, I can’t take it seriously?  I feel this will add to the challenge.

Some excellent dialogue in the tale included:

“Mickey, you wanker, what’d you do that for?”

Which I think was to reemphasise that the story is set in Engerland, and:

“Go find yourself a husband to take care of you.”

This places our heroine as a frustrated feminist trying to make it in a man’s world – we later find out she also wears baggy jeans and army boots.  FYI, that means it’s OK for her to become a sort of sex doormat later on.  So what if she allows herself to be seduced by a poorly characterized Ash Demon?  That doesn’t mean she’s conforming to a stereotype, if anything she’s breaking it by defying the expected spinster/dyke path.

 And so what if she flunked out of uni because she was busy lurking around in thickets searching for demons to kill in order to win her father’s grudging respect/love?  She doesn’t need all men to validate her, just her disinterested, misogynistic old pa.  Is that so wrong?  Of course not.

I don’t think this is quite the type of tale I’m aiming for, though.  The nearly having sex but not quite scene is right there in chapter two; all inappropriate nudey fairy statue stroking and nipples akimbo. Stephanie Meyer doesn’t reach that point till three books in!  I have severe doubts about my ability to write a non-comedy sex scene, so I think I’ll probably follow her example.

This will involve looking out a few of the more popular paranormal romance / dark fantasy (is there a difference?) authors, I suppose.  Popular authors at the library where I used to work included P.C.Cast, Charlaine Harris, Christine Feehan and Sherrilyn Kenyon.  Anybody know any more?  I’d be particularly interested in short stories and flash fiction, just because of time constraints…

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