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12 Books in 12 Months

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An Update

Apologies for my recent silence.

The reason behind it is mainly that I haven’t written as much of book two as I ‘should’ have – 9000 words less, to be precise – and I was a bit embarrassed to come forward and admit it.  I’ve written loads of other things, mind you – for example, I am to be relied upon if you want to read lengthy dissections of nonsensical song lyrics.  And I’ve pitched a couple of articles that have elicited vague promises of monetary gain, which is hugely exciting for me because I haven’t been paid for my work since I was 19 and wrote some arts reviews for The Perthshire Advertiser.

Other than that, I am now back in Edinburgh after the chicken sitting adventure.  Last night a group of friends rallied round to show their support of this whole nonsensical idea by buying me beer, which was very sweet of them.  Thus my enthusiasm is renewed, and cannot even be dampened by the shock revelation that there are only 28 days in February and it’s already the 6th.  Perhaps fortuitously, my temp agency hasn’t as yet offered me any work for this week, so maybe I’ll get caught up over the next day or two.  Stranger things have happened…

And now, an unedited excerpt of book two.

 

“I am never working with you amateurs again,” hissed Morag McWhirter, whose turn it was to throw a wobbly as the curtain went up for the final time.

“You always say that,” Elspeth pointed out, hastily pasting a fixed grin to her face as the audience came into view.

The company bowed once more to the lukewarm applause of about thirteen people.

“God.  This is depressing,” Hamish McWhirter said under his breath, giving the old lady who always sat in seat G15 a cheeky wink of recognition.

Then a body fell from the fly floor onto the stage in front of them with a blunt thud.

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First Draft of Caligula’s Blog Complete!

In university, I had a habit of working on essays right up until the deadline, then racing along to the history department to hand in essays right as they were being removed from the box.  It would appear that, certainly when I am unemployed, I have retained this tendency, for not twenty minutes ago, right before midnight on January 31st 2011, I bashed out the last few posts of Caligula’s Blog.  I’ve written 5905 words today, and I wouldn’t advise doing that much in one sitting because now my back really hurts!

The draft is very raw, and falls short of my 50k word target, weighing in at only 33, 173 words.  However, given that I knew nothing whatsoever about the man on the 1st of the month, and most diary style books are shorter than 50k, I regard this as being fundamentally OK.  We’ll see how that changes when I come to look over it again – April at the very earliest!

41 AD
January 24th

I dreamed last night I was standing in heaven, near the throne of Jupiter.  It was very beautiful and humbling.  I was about to say something, when Jupiter gave me a push with the big toe of his right foot, and I fell right on my face.  When I woke up it turned out I had fallen out of bed, so that’s probably why that happened in the dream.

Doesn’t feel like a great start to the day, really.  Still, things can only get better now that I’m awake!  Perhaps I’ll sacrifice a couple of white bulls to the big man this afternoon though, just to be on the safe side.

Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus – or Caligula to you and me – was assassinated later that day by his own men.  His wife, Milonia Caesonia, and infant daughter Julia Drusilla were killed by members of the Praetorian Guard a few hours later.  He was succeeded by Derek Jacobi.

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Writing Routines

Just read an article on different authors’ writing routines, and was thinking it might be quite fun to try them all across the year to see whether they work for me.  The obsessive routines of C.S.Lewis and Toni Morrison would undoubtedly do wonders for my productivity, but I wonder whether I would come to associate writing with all that I hate in life (very early mornings, not being able to do anything spontaneous, and suchlike).

Some might prove more difficult than others, though – will need to procure a dog from somewhere for Wordsworth‘s technique, and I’m not sure how well George Sand‘s 2 year affair strategy would go down with my partner…  But it would be interesting to see how standing up to write would affect my productivity, as per Philip Roth, or how my body would react to a minimum 50 cups of coffee a day like Balzac.

AD 39, June 10th

Today is the first anniversary of Drusilla’s death.

It’s clear to everyone that I need cheering up, so to that end I have commissioned a statue of myself.  It shall be like me in height, appearance – every respect, in fact.  But instead of marble or bronze, he shall be cast in purest gold.  Perhaps jeweled eyes, although I think that might just look a bit strange.  And every day he shall be arrayed in the exact attire that I have chosen to wear that day.  I will need to employ someone whose specific task that will be.

Why?  Because I can.  I am the emperor of Rome, after all.

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Caligula in Love

37 AD
July 8th

OK, so you know when you meet someone unexpectedly, and you just click?

I don’t mean like when you fancy someone and make them your mistress either.  I mean when you see a Roman noblewoman across a crowded dance floor – a classy bird, the sort you can marry if you’re an emperor without having to worry whether she’ll be accepted by the senate, and the people, and anyone else who has the capacity to make life difficult.  The kind of woman who’s good looking and erudite, and essentially ticks all the boxes.

You’ve probably guessed this already, but I met such a woman at Cassius Piso’s wedding the other night, and I have decided to marry her.

The only trouble is, she’s the bride.

His bride, I mean.  Livia Orestilla.

AWKWARD.

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How Twitter Helps

The @12books12months twitterfeed is a terrifying and time consuming place.  I follow authors, agents, publishers and book bloggers from all over the world and am constantly bombarded with links to articles about writing, publishing and blogging.  Interesting, but overwhelming.

This evening I’ve read a few that stood out, so I thought I would link them.

10 Ways to Tell You Have Author Potential is fairly self explanatory title.  I seem to tick some, but not all of the boxes.

How to Become A Better Writer is one of many posts that appear almost daily on this theme, and covers the bases as well as any.

The Influence of Anxiety is the most interesting of the three, because rather than give hints and tips on what we ought to be doing it focuses on what a lot of authors actually do, including taking ages over one tiny bit of writing, procrastinating, and comparing oneself to everyone else and coming up short (easier than ever before thanks to twitter, facebook and blogging).

Meanwhile, another #WIP

April 28th

Festival of Floralia begins today.  We’re having more games in the Circus Maximus to celebrate, at which the people will be showered with beans.  My idea.  It’ll be really funny to watch, but also they won’t mind, because they’re being given free food.  Brilliant.

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Oops

Slightly too long for a #WIP (a thing on Twitter where you post 140 characters worth of a work in progress to get feedback) so thought I would post it here.

Just heard that my order to let Sextus Papinius go was somehow misconstrued as “execute him.”  Honestly, communications in this place are a nightmare. I’m not being racist, but I think it’s because there are slaves from all over the empire and frankly a lot of their Latin is absolutely appalling.  Anyway, long story short, Papinius is no more.

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