Last weekend I did some writing in a coffee shop, as is the style of Edinburgh based persons with an interest in penning fiction for children.

Story I am working on in blue.

I took my computer for this on the grounds I was working on something I had not looked at for a couple of days and would likely need to refer back to it – even though working longhand looks much more romantic and will doubtless be of assistance in a future utopia where I am a bestseller and need things to auction off for charity.  As is the style in coffee shops these days, there was wifi available, and when I opened my laptop it asked me which network I wanted to connect to.

Before switching the wifi off (my ability to spend four hours checking email and Twitter and then email again being of gold standard) my eye was drawn down the list of available networks.  They were mainly quite dull – BT Hub this, that and the next thing – but there was also one called eyeballpaul.

For those who don’t know (which I’m guessing is most of you) Eyeball Paul was the name of a DJ played by Rhys Ifans in Kevin and Perry Go Large, a really not very good film based on a sketch from Harry Enfield’s TV sketch shows.  It came out in the year 2000 and reader; I went to see it in Perth’s Playhouse Cinema.  The character gets his name due to his predilection for drinking shots of vodka through his eye – not something I have ever tried, as I wear contact lenses and thus deem such activity impractical – as good a reason as any to name a router after him, I’m sure you’ll agree.

The way you name your internet connection says a lot about a person.  Well, actually it says bum all, but it can be an interesting exercise looking at what people have chosen.  Recent connections I have lived with are Je Suis French – named for an in joke between my partner and a university friend – and This Belongs to Ray Liotta which was an in-joke between myself and some of my friends.  Our current connection is Magneto, named by me in honour of an in-joke between myself, Jack Kirby and Stan Lee.  (Also because I like naming electronic devices after characters from the X-Men – my phone is called Wolvie and I have a hard drive known as Professor X.)

Anyway, this brush with strangers’ connectivity made me think it might be fun to name a network after something literary.  Here are some of the ones I came up with – feel free to add your suggestions below!

  • Don’t Call Me Ishmael
  • The Depths of Despair
  • My Exploded Grandmother
  • Mr Tumnus
  • Send Help, My Husband Has Locked Me In The Attic
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