If you follow me on twitter (@12books12months) you’ll be aware that I am a sporadic stat obsessive. Which basically means I while away certain evenings by checking how many hits the blog had that day, then putting out plaintive messages on social networking sites to increase the numbers. Obviously it would be more constructive to spend this time writing, but whatever, you’re not the boss of me.
This lurking around the WordPress Dashboard offers mixed results, but I think the main thing we can take away from it is that it makes me kind of annoying to be around. I know the best way to get hits is to have interesting stuff to post, not to whinge at folk on Facebook – but that doesn’t stop me. It doesn’t even slow me down. I merely hark back to the glory days of the book festival when I was all kinds of popular without having to do very much, because people wanted to read about what was going on and I happened to be writing about it.
However, the book festival comes but once a year, and to conduct a countdown from this point on until next August would be overkill. So what to write about? Well, stats can help with that, because they show the most popular search terms that have brought people to the blog. Once you know what piqued internet interest in you, it’s merely a case of emulating that success.
Except it isn’t really, because people get to this blog by searching for three things. They either look for “12 books in 12 months” or some variation thereon; “Amanda Palmer”; or some one-off random search term that means nothing to anyone other than the searcher. Having said that, I do like reading those bad boys.
Here are some of my favourites.
“brain bring me pea soup”
I searched this myself and can I just say, 12 books is not the top result – it isn’t even on the first page. (It is at the top of the second, though, on the grounds that back in March I mentioned Jack Kerouac liking the stuff. So there you go.)
Not sure what happened here. But here, have a bat joke:
What do you call a little bat? … A battle.
(FYI, that joke doesn’t really work if you think about it too much. Just go with it)
“daddy drinks because you’ve been bad”
I do like galumphing, to be fair. It is a word from Jabberwocky. The OED says to galumph is to “march on exultingly with irregular bounding movements. Now usu., to gallop heavily; to bound or move clumsily or noisily.” Apparently it was a mashup of ‘gallop’ and ‘triumph’. Lewis Carroll was combining words to make new ones long before Peter Andre coined Insania (which is like, a mixture of ‘insane’ and ‘mania’…)
Love it. The 12 books blog Ain’t Nuthin But A G-Thang. For realsies.
That’s actually my stage name, for when I do cabaret dressed as a man dressed as a woman. It’s complicated, but a lot of fun.
“flyer ideas for babysitting 12 year olds”
Sure, you could try and tempt them with a blog about book-writing. But that seems a little bit optimistic, if you don’t mind my saying so…
Oh dear, the search engines are onto me. And I thought I was doing so well at pretending to have a plan.
If any of you searchers got here using one of those terms and have since returned, I salute you. The halls of international investigatory journalism shall welcome you with open arms. By which I mean they will view you with suspicion until they’ve established whether you are competition or not.
Also if you are back because you like my writing or the myriad other aspects of the page, please tell your friends and other computer owning humans to stop by. The hits are looking a little bit low today; although I have no idea if that’s true because I scheduled this last night. You’d better share it just to be on the safe side, because my entire sense of self-worth is now geared around how many hits I get on the site. To be honest, I’ve totally lost sight of the whole book writing thing. I basically haven’t written any fiction at all since March.